Digital Detox

For the next week I am going to reboot and jump start my mental well-being. I realized that as of late I allow social media to consume my life a little too much. It's weird, there was a time where only Facebook was the hottest thing smoking in college. Then Myspace caught on, YouTube, Twitter, now Instagram and a host of others are everywhere, free to download and devour. But I need a digital detox, bad. There are some days I admit where I can tune out the alerts or the urge to unlock my phone and go social media crazy. Then there are other days where I am too involved with generally someone else's life through pics, tweets and status updates. It begins to be technology overload!

Truth, no one is forcing me to go surfing on these sites and apps but it can be so addictive. And trust, there really is an app for just about everything under the sun. More and more especially in today's world social media is at the helm of publicizing businesses, a book you wrote, a job posting plus more. I too have utilized the internet and social media as a means to promote my writing by sharing with friends and family. Sometimes there really is no way around it, this is the signs of the techy times! But I am challenging myself to limit my involvement with the occasional maddening mayhem of repeated notifications, double-tapping, commenting and "liking" stuff. I get caught up in the charade of it all, sometimes monitoring my posts and somehow cyber gawking the pages and photos of people I don't even know! It gets like that.

My plan thus far is to only check my emails, job search, get some writing done and tackle anything else that doesn't involve picking up my phone or logging in to a social media site. Hmm, does blogging count? Ugh! Who knows, but writing is an outlet for me so, not sure what to say, :-/. Though I think the limiting of time spent or none at all on apps and such will do me good. I've got books I need to start and finish, naps to take, shows to watch on Netflix (like Scandal), and maybe do a word search or something. This may not be a full blown no technology detox (lets get real) but it is a start to a healthier mindset that isn't fixated on social media. A no technology detox would mean no television, phone or internet activity! I am sure I could try that out, but for now digitally detoxing.

I will "share" this on Facebook and "tweet" on Twitter, but only to possibly encourage someone else to take a step forward in stepping back from media madness. For a couple of days. :-)

From my heart to yours,

*Lish

Different Drum

Today I had my session with my behavioral therapist, we hadn't met in 6 weeks so there was lots to catch up on. Before graduating from graduate school in May we had a session and scheduled in to meet in another two weeks but upon the doctor cancelling that session and another two weeks of waiting to plan another meeting time went on, but we're back on and that's the great thing! So our 30 minutes of time together today went well. I basically filled the doctor in on all that has been happening with me since we last met, some of the highlights then some of the not so glamorous moments. But by the end of the session she had noted my progression and that I seem happier. Music to my at one point muted ears but I heard her clearly and I believe it too.

It can be strange sometimes, who knows why, that when things in your life begin to go well or what used to bother you doesn't really anymore you may begin to question the positive change. As if there is a hesitancy in accepting the change even when it is something wonderful. It's not that I question my emerging happiness but I am learning to understand it and realize that I have earned it and there should be no caution to the improved change. There has been a slight hurdle that had been bothering me for quite some time with my father and our distanced relationship. And though words have been exchanged and my feelings expressed I still almost feel a bit leery about it, I want my emotions to be taken seriously and not be in vain. But in all bumps on any road I am on I remain alert about it but I try to not let them haunt me.

As I type these words I am listening to one of my favorite singers, Celine Dion and her powerful voice serenading my ears with "My Heart Will Go On." Odd (or is it) that this is playing as I think about all of the heartache I went through in the last year, being let go from my job, questioning my own capabilities, figuring out the meaning of friendship and love among family and opening my heart to someone new who comes along. Yes, the heart can go on, it can heal, grow stronger, beat to a new and changed drum. So while my life isn't fully "pieced" together, I most certainly am not the same young woman I was last year, 5 months ago, 4 weeks ago or even yesterday. I am still me but continuing my own walk, only looking back to see my footprints and how far I have come.

From my heart to yours,

*Lish

Funny Money

I sit here in bed pondering about money. Not having much of it, needing more of it, wanting to earn it, reluctant to spend it, money has been driving me crazy. There are so many phrases to describe money whether its "money makes the world go round," "the more money you make, the more problems you see," "show me the money," the phrases can go on. But I wasn't always worried like this. 

There was a time when I had a full-time job and I didn't sweat how much money I had in my account or how much my bills were. I just paid what I needed to and tried to spend wisely. Today, I find myself inching out money down to my last few pennies, happily enlightened if I find a few bucks in my wallet. But what bugs me is how things got this way. Granted I am not fully employed right now so the money train has been slowed and makes very few stops at my favorite malls and extra-curricular places. So my funds aren't flowing as they used to be. I hold on and continue prayer that this lack of money times two shall pass. 

There are some days where I forget how much money I DON'T have and I'll pretend to live lavishly. That demeanor shifts soon when I check my bank account on my phone, I have an app for that (mistake or no?), constantly checking what's been withdrawn and patiently awaiting my " compensation funds" to deposit. 

I don't like to talk too lengthy about money with people I know or attempt to borrow any. Though I've been privy to give, I don't often lean towards IOU's. Especially with family, things get itchy, and not the itch some claim to get when they feel money is "coming" to them. It's the awkward itchy feeling you get when you either owe a family member or you have to resort to borrowing. It isn't fun.

And believe it or not the act, desire and craving more money or simply obtaining it can be a stressor. Stressed over money isn't healthy, ever. But in all fairness, the economy, lack of jobs, blah, blah, blah, the hunt to make and earn money becomes slimmer year after year. Granted those who are doing well for themselves and have a handle on their finances have no complaints, kudos. But when you're living paycheck to paycheck or have paid yet another set of bills for the month leaving you with a few dimes to rub together, money gets funny. 

The interesting part about that saying "money is funny," I'm not laughing. But day by day I try not to take an occasional slump to heart and get too serious and emotional about it. "You're gonna get it all back" my mother frequently informs me. But as I write this I'm beginning to think she doesn't necessarily mean money. 

Maybe it's the small wins and victories she's referring to. The positive blessings I will gain, that's what's coming. And that's not a bad thing. To be rich doesn't have to equal having money.

From my heart to yours...

Lish

Beauty Sleep and Bedtime Behaviors

 

Some nights, I feel like I am on a good bedtime schedule then I slack off and go to bed entirely too late. But if I am not tired yet, should I just force myself to lay down or...? I call myself getting "settled" and at least be in my bed comfortable, usually watching a little television, but that doesn't always happen. I'll wait until my eyes are extremely heavy before I actually "call it a night." Though I wonder, what is one to do when your bedtime routine is jumbled, leaving no room to actually count sheep and allow yourself to get rested?

Granted, the television is a distraction and being on the phone texting, web surfing and what have you, but for some it helps them ease into sleep. Though I will say the last two weeks I have been turning my TV off before bed and putting sleep music on, there's an app called "Sleep Bug." You can select a variety of sounds like the beach, classical, zen, weather sounds etc and even set a timer so that it doesn't play all night. And this has helped me. I find myself more calm as I drift off to sleep.

There are so many studies out they say we should all get at least 8 hours of sleep if I am not mistaken. For the most part I think I get that, but only because most days I get up during different times. I am usually awake by 8 or 9am. But in going to bed at midnight or close to 2 am, I would only be getting roughly 6 or 7 hours. With me currently unemployed, my former steady routine of going to bed and waking up at the same time has shifted. I never like to sleep in too late because I like to keep busy during the day, that's not the issue, it's catching enough Z's!

Now some people might be thinking, "You're not working right now, what does it matter?" or "I wish I could stay up a little longer or sleep in a little later, you've got it easy!" That may be true, I think I do put a lot of pressure on myself to keep active and going to bed at a decent hour, and while this isn't a bad regimen to keep up, I guess I could relax a bit. But nevertheless, getting a good amount of sleep is essential for everyone! It doesn't matter if a person is employed or not. They don't call it "beauty rest" for nothing. Our sleep habits affect us during the day. If you're burnt out from the night before and not getting as much sleep as you could, you may be crabby and not too upbeat during your day. We should all be waking up happy for many reasons (your life) and ready to take on the day, but moreover, sleeping well makes us feel and do better. We are better at our jobs, happier, more filled with ideas and of course energized!

So if you're like me and tired of being tired and of saying it all of the time, let's renew ourselves and get some rest! I don't know about you, but I like a nice beauty sleep-filled night as much as the next person :-). Have a GOOD night.

From my heart to yours,

-Lish

A Burning Heart

Here, today, I am eager to explore more of myself. When the new year of 2013 arrived I felt powerful, and energized. I did not make any resolutions just mental notes on improvement and how I could better tackle the year ahead. But just three days into the new age of 2013 I caught a monstrous virus. It was quite scary because it led me to take two trips to the emergency room, complaints of nausea, palpitations of my heart and then a burning sensation that scared me to pieces. As I began to get over the virus I was still slightly "sick" about something. I felt like I had this deep dark secret to reveal but didn't know how to speak it out loud.

What troubled me was in the midst of getting the unwanted virus out of my system I was flooded with so many emotions. I sincerely thought something was "wrong" with me for I could not pinpoint what exactly was going on with me. I referred to various health sites for answers of what was happening, checking the symptoms of different illnesses and thinking, "Is this what I have?" The virus threw so much out of wack for me, it was frightening. Living at home with my parents led me to be freakishly attached to my mom. I always like to be around her but this time, upon getting sick and even after, I wanted her to be near me practically at all times. It got to the point where I wanted her to sleep in my bed or just sit by me in a chair and comfort me.

Her presence as well as my father's made me feel safe. Curiosity of this foreign illness continued and I was starting to feel paranoid, panic, and pressure from my own brain. The mind is definitely a powerful being. I kept thinking about death, time moving on too quickly for me to hop on and grasp it, feeling alone sometimes even with people around me. Soft everyday sounds appeared boisterous, driving in my own car I prayed I would not have a panic attack, that I would get to where ever I was headed safely without issue. It took me a few weeks after the virus to even feel comfortable driving. I was terrified of my own self. And I didn't know why.

I began to ponder and really think to myself, "What is going on?" So many things came up. One being me currently unemployed. I remember feeling so stuck and powerless while at home regaining my strength. There were days where I did not want to leave the house, fearful that I might catch something from the flu ridden streets of the city. I felt like if I had a job to go to after getting better then maybe I wouldn't be so depressed and unsure of everything around me. Instead I was home-bound, anxious to get out but I felt like I didn't know how. I wanted to be reassured, embraced by my sister whom I thought wasn't there for me enough. She would generally be my go to person in a chaos filled frenzy, but her life is different now, so I didn't feel like I could reach out to her. Though her and I discussed my fears and feelings, at the time I was filled with more questions and no guidance to fix my new found panic.

Upon countless back and forth doctor visits and tests done to narrow down what was going on with me my doctor asked, "Are you anxious about something?" I hadn't been asked that by anyone. And I did not know quite how to respond. My doctor's take that the acid reflux I had been experiencing was long gone, but now there's still something bothering me. He asked if I wanted to talk to someone at their office. I agreed. It was interesting that for my thesis I am writing about mental health and the different dynamics that accompany this notion as a Black woman. And here I was, the scared, semi-panicked young woman afraid to voice her thoughts when she almost never held back.

My ability to see all that January was as a lesson and a platform for positive change, took some prepping. I found it so hard to see the bright side that could be. But I did not want to be stuck anymore, fearing everything. Being secure is something I will always want, but being sound and capable is what I know that I need. For my own self-worth and expression.

I can already see something great brewing for myself, my family, friends. My challenge is to stop second guessing, go to bed at a decent hour, keep writing, apply to more jobs, and think of nothing but new. New frame of my identity, new lessons, new beginnings, new love, new power. I am not starting over. I am continuing, sustaining, progressing. I have a burning heart to liftoff and evolve.

From my heart to yours,

*E

Holiday jitters

Twenty-twelve, seems like just yesterday I was watching the Times Square ball drop on television as I welcomed in the new year. Quite often many of us come in with certain goals, expectations and resolutions of how the new year will be different, but of course life mostly has it's own agenda. But that doesn't mean we should stop fighting. Sure, some annoyances in our lives are still occurring, still festering or still hurtful but why give up?

As I tune in to the latest evils of our world on the news, it gets a little harder to remain hopeful. If a man can walk into a school and kill adults and children, what's next? Better yet I don't even want to consider what else someone mentally ill or hateful may be planning. But it does make you consider, what can I do to move beyond the negativity, accomplish goals like our lives depended on it. I realize every day there are certain happenings that I should not just lie down and accept, I can evolve past it. The more I speak dreams and aspirations into existence, the more I begin to believe it will happen. I think that is something many people should try to do more of, SPEAK IT, CLAIM IT, OWN IT like it's already yours!

With Christmas Day approaching a week from today and as my bank account sings a different holiday tune, the nervousness and jitters kicked in. I won't be able to "go all out" like I normally would have. My financial circumstances have changed and buying tons of presents to sit under the tree will be different this year. But I am trying to do my best to purchase at least one gift for my immediate family. If not, it is what it is. I can't allow myself to break the bank any longer. But when I think about it, presents should not be that essential especially with the strain many people are experiencing financially.

Even if you somewhat "have it" to buy, isn't just being around close family and friends enough? As I get older and my "All I Want for Christmas" list becomes shorter and as simple as socks and slippers, why press it? Of course I appreciate any gift, but I am not going to whine about it like I did once as a child at 7 when my mom didn't get me the "My size Barbie" I asked for, :-). But today as a young adult, I just want support, comfort and to be happy.

So as we say adios to 2012, let us try to take a breather, recount on what was to paint an improved what can be. Happy Holidays!

From my heart to yours,

*Lish

Holidays & Hearts

Tis the season to be...JOLLY, is it? That's right because everyday outside of the holiday spirit we should all try to be a little more happier. I came across a right on the money message from one of my favorite tweeters, Rev Run. He said:

 

 

 

I know I too struggle with balancing what I have control over and what I don't, that is life. But to take extra initiative to be better and rejoicing can be hard, though not as hard as we'd like to make it. It probably takes more energy to be angry or sad than it does to be happy. Think about it, happiness generally doesn't take much effort, it just, is. So in honor of the "holiday spirit" society says we ought to have, let's take a switch on that and allow ourselves an "everyday spirit" where we give more focus on "What's coming" as Rev Run tweeted.

 

I have three suggestions to get you going to a healthier place this season, despite certain woes (lack of/no money for gifts, relationship issues, job problems, too much schoolwork, not enough pay, good pay but blow money too fast, feeling insecure, frustrated about family) the list can go on, and on, and on, and on....try this:

 

Sweet Tooth

 

Regardless if it is Christmastime or not, eat some of your favorite chocolate. A piece or two is good for you. http://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/benefits-of-chocolate

 

Craft time

 

Start a small project that you can do after work or any day you have time. Whether it is finally tidying up your closet, decorating your home for the holiday or crafting a special gift for a loved one. Keep your hands busy and your mind off of the "sidebar stuff" I like to call it.

 

Dance, Dance

 

A little bit of movement never hurt anyone, low and behold you get a little workout in, a fun one at that. If you own a Wii game console or XBox, whichever system you may have, pop in a dance game and get your body moving! I plan to purchase the latest favorite "Hip Hop Dance Experience" for Wii. I hear it is a blast. You don't have to worry about any judgment or nailing all of the moves, just have fun!

 

From my heart to yours,

 

*Elishia