Funny Money

I sit here in bed pondering about money. Not having much of it, needing more of it, wanting to earn it, reluctant to spend it, money has been driving me crazy. There are so many phrases to describe money whether its "money makes the world go round," "the more money you make, the more problems you see," "show me the money," the phrases can go on. But I wasn't always worried like this. 

There was a time when I had a full-time job and I didn't sweat how much money I had in my account or how much my bills were. I just paid what I needed to and tried to spend wisely. Today, I find myself inching out money down to my last few pennies, happily enlightened if I find a few bucks in my wallet. But what bugs me is how things got this way. Granted I am not fully employed right now so the money train has been slowed and makes very few stops at my favorite malls and extra-curricular places. So my funds aren't flowing as they used to be. I hold on and continue prayer that this lack of money times two shall pass. 

There are some days where I forget how much money I DON'T have and I'll pretend to live lavishly. That demeanor shifts soon when I check my bank account on my phone, I have an app for that (mistake or no?), constantly checking what's been withdrawn and patiently awaiting my " compensation funds" to deposit. 

I don't like to talk too lengthy about money with people I know or attempt to borrow any. Though I've been privy to give, I don't often lean towards IOU's. Especially with family, things get itchy, and not the itch some claim to get when they feel money is "coming" to them. It's the awkward itchy feeling you get when you either owe a family member or you have to resort to borrowing. It isn't fun.

And believe it or not the act, desire and craving more money or simply obtaining it can be a stressor. Stressed over money isn't healthy, ever. But in all fairness, the economy, lack of jobs, blah, blah, blah, the hunt to make and earn money becomes slimmer year after year. Granted those who are doing well for themselves and have a handle on their finances have no complaints, kudos. But when you're living paycheck to paycheck or have paid yet another set of bills for the month leaving you with a few dimes to rub together, money gets funny. 

The interesting part about that saying "money is funny," I'm not laughing. But day by day I try not to take an occasional slump to heart and get too serious and emotional about it. "You're gonna get it all back" my mother frequently informs me. But as I write this I'm beginning to think she doesn't necessarily mean money. 

Maybe it's the small wins and victories she's referring to. The positive blessings I will gain, that's what's coming. And that's not a bad thing. To be rich doesn't have to equal having money.

From my heart to yours...

Lish