What It Takes

We all can get down in a slump where our shoulders seem tense, we don't walk as tall and our mood is simply unattached. As I have been swept into a whirlwind of thoughts I have to wonder, what's it all worth and is it healthy to continue feeling this way? My own personal battle with figuring out my career is something that I have been fighting for, for quite some time, and although the war is not yet won or finished, I have to find a way to get past this gnawing issue, put back on my steel armor and progress.

I went to a workshop this past weekend, one was about the not heard enough issue of Black Mental Health in communities. It had me thinking of a time where my outer appearance was showing a "together" Elishia when inside I was screaming for someone to help me. Often times culturally my race can shy away from the well-being of our mental state and pushes other alternatives as a means to combat an inwardly wailing mind. Throughout my young life I have been told to either pray about a problem or not to dwell on past hurts and emotions. It wasn't until the hospitalization of my mother (who has M.S.) last summer of 2011 that I fully realized I could no longer handle my screeching thoughts on my own. And while my mother was gaining her strength back to return home, I had been aching for someone who didn't know me to listen. My sister Ericka helped me find a therapist that I could talk to, I was hesitant to even go. I still had the mindset that I could handle everything on my own and that I could figure out my own problems. And though after a few short sessions for about a month, I had understood the importance of sanity.

The therapist thought I was more than likely dealing with some attachment disorder, and also my trouble in embracing change. I was not quite on the manic side, but I was borderline dealing with depression, depressed by the drastic transitions at my job, home life, trusting men, believing more in myself, the list could go on. The great thing about my mental state of mind is that I have a strong will to get myself out of a rut and move on, I am capable of doing it on my own. The therapist felt that I could end my sessions earlier than I planned. He was not concerned for the safety of myself or others. Despite the sessions coming to a close he encouraged me to continue writing my thoughts down, as a writer he said that form of expression would help me. However it has taken some time, time that I am still clocking now. And while therapy is something I feel I could try again if needed, I feel that in some way I can re-shape my life and hold onto being happy. Of course having a circle of family and friends by my side is key to my confidence improving.

Being healthy isn't always about eating habits or workout regimens. Sometimes it is the habits and regimens of our minds that we can sometimes neglect and forget that our medulla's need to be worked on and healthy as well. Your health is just that, your own. If you are dealing with personal issues I cannot press therapy on anyone and insist they seek outside of their circles for help. I know for me, it was prevalent and helpful. Today I continue to work on my well-being and a healthy heart, it has been so tough to rise above the questions and sometimes no answers, but where my weaknesses appear, my strength is uprooted and and overshadows the negative. It is hard work but I want to be better so bad, I couldn't possibly not fight for a positive change. Armor in tow, I have what it takes.  


Posted by: *Elishia

From our hearts to yours,

E&E