Funny Money

I sit here in bed pondering about money. Not having much of it, needing more of it, wanting to earn it, reluctant to spend it, money has been driving me crazy. There are so many phrases to describe money whether its "money makes the world go round," "the more money you make, the more problems you see," "show me the money," the phrases can go on. But I wasn't always worried like this. 

There was a time when I had a full-time job and I didn't sweat how much money I had in my account or how much my bills were. I just paid what I needed to and tried to spend wisely. Today, I find myself inching out money down to my last few pennies, happily enlightened if I find a few bucks in my wallet. But what bugs me is how things got this way. Granted I am not fully employed right now so the money train has been slowed and makes very few stops at my favorite malls and extra-curricular places. So my funds aren't flowing as they used to be. I hold on and continue prayer that this lack of money times two shall pass. 

There are some days where I forget how much money I DON'T have and I'll pretend to live lavishly. That demeanor shifts soon when I check my bank account on my phone, I have an app for that (mistake or no?), constantly checking what's been withdrawn and patiently awaiting my " compensation funds" to deposit. 

I don't like to talk too lengthy about money with people I know or attempt to borrow any. Though I've been privy to give, I don't often lean towards IOU's. Especially with family, things get itchy, and not the itch some claim to get when they feel money is "coming" to them. It's the awkward itchy feeling you get when you either owe a family member or you have to resort to borrowing. It isn't fun.

And believe it or not the act, desire and craving more money or simply obtaining it can be a stressor. Stressed over money isn't healthy, ever. But in all fairness, the economy, lack of jobs, blah, blah, blah, the hunt to make and earn money becomes slimmer year after year. Granted those who are doing well for themselves and have a handle on their finances have no complaints, kudos. But when you're living paycheck to paycheck or have paid yet another set of bills for the month leaving you with a few dimes to rub together, money gets funny. 

The interesting part about that saying "money is funny," I'm not laughing. But day by day I try not to take an occasional slump to heart and get too serious and emotional about it. "You're gonna get it all back" my mother frequently informs me. But as I write this I'm beginning to think she doesn't necessarily mean money. 

Maybe it's the small wins and victories she's referring to. The positive blessings I will gain, that's what's coming. And that's not a bad thing. To be rich doesn't have to equal having money.

From my heart to yours...

Lish

Beauty Sleep and Bedtime Behaviors

 

Some nights, I feel like I am on a good bedtime schedule then I slack off and go to bed entirely too late. But if I am not tired yet, should I just force myself to lay down or...? I call myself getting "settled" and at least be in my bed comfortable, usually watching a little television, but that doesn't always happen. I'll wait until my eyes are extremely heavy before I actually "call it a night." Though I wonder, what is one to do when your bedtime routine is jumbled, leaving no room to actually count sheep and allow yourself to get rested?

Granted, the television is a distraction and being on the phone texting, web surfing and what have you, but for some it helps them ease into sleep. Though I will say the last two weeks I have been turning my TV off before bed and putting sleep music on, there's an app called "Sleep Bug." You can select a variety of sounds like the beach, classical, zen, weather sounds etc and even set a timer so that it doesn't play all night. And this has helped me. I find myself more calm as I drift off to sleep.

There are so many studies out they say we should all get at least 8 hours of sleep if I am not mistaken. For the most part I think I get that, but only because most days I get up during different times. I am usually awake by 8 or 9am. But in going to bed at midnight or close to 2 am, I would only be getting roughly 6 or 7 hours. With me currently unemployed, my former steady routine of going to bed and waking up at the same time has shifted. I never like to sleep in too late because I like to keep busy during the day, that's not the issue, it's catching enough Z's!

Now some people might be thinking, "You're not working right now, what does it matter?" or "I wish I could stay up a little longer or sleep in a little later, you've got it easy!" That may be true, I think I do put a lot of pressure on myself to keep active and going to bed at a decent hour, and while this isn't a bad regimen to keep up, I guess I could relax a bit. But nevertheless, getting a good amount of sleep is essential for everyone! It doesn't matter if a person is employed or not. They don't call it "beauty rest" for nothing. Our sleep habits affect us during the day. If you're burnt out from the night before and not getting as much sleep as you could, you may be crabby and not too upbeat during your day. We should all be waking up happy for many reasons (your life) and ready to take on the day, but moreover, sleeping well makes us feel and do better. We are better at our jobs, happier, more filled with ideas and of course energized!

So if you're like me and tired of being tired and of saying it all of the time, let's renew ourselves and get some rest! I don't know about you, but I like a nice beauty sleep-filled night as much as the next person :-). Have a GOOD night.

From my heart to yours,

-Lish

A Burning Heart

Here, today, I am eager to explore more of myself. When the new year of 2013 arrived I felt powerful, and energized. I did not make any resolutions just mental notes on improvement and how I could better tackle the year ahead. But just three days into the new age of 2013 I caught a monstrous virus. It was quite scary because it led me to take two trips to the emergency room, complaints of nausea, palpitations of my heart and then a burning sensation that scared me to pieces. As I began to get over the virus I was still slightly "sick" about something. I felt like I had this deep dark secret to reveal but didn't know how to speak it out loud.

What troubled me was in the midst of getting the unwanted virus out of my system I was flooded with so many emotions. I sincerely thought something was "wrong" with me for I could not pinpoint what exactly was going on with me. I referred to various health sites for answers of what was happening, checking the symptoms of different illnesses and thinking, "Is this what I have?" The virus threw so much out of wack for me, it was frightening. Living at home with my parents led me to be freakishly attached to my mom. I always like to be around her but this time, upon getting sick and even after, I wanted her to be near me practically at all times. It got to the point where I wanted her to sleep in my bed or just sit by me in a chair and comfort me.

Her presence as well as my father's made me feel safe. Curiosity of this foreign illness continued and I was starting to feel paranoid, panic, and pressure from my own brain. The mind is definitely a powerful being. I kept thinking about death, time moving on too quickly for me to hop on and grasp it, feeling alone sometimes even with people around me. Soft everyday sounds appeared boisterous, driving in my own car I prayed I would not have a panic attack, that I would get to where ever I was headed safely without issue. It took me a few weeks after the virus to even feel comfortable driving. I was terrified of my own self. And I didn't know why.

I began to ponder and really think to myself, "What is going on?" So many things came up. One being me currently unemployed. I remember feeling so stuck and powerless while at home regaining my strength. There were days where I did not want to leave the house, fearful that I might catch something from the flu ridden streets of the city. I felt like if I had a job to go to after getting better then maybe I wouldn't be so depressed and unsure of everything around me. Instead I was home-bound, anxious to get out but I felt like I didn't know how. I wanted to be reassured, embraced by my sister whom I thought wasn't there for me enough. She would generally be my go to person in a chaos filled frenzy, but her life is different now, so I didn't feel like I could reach out to her. Though her and I discussed my fears and feelings, at the time I was filled with more questions and no guidance to fix my new found panic.

Upon countless back and forth doctor visits and tests done to narrow down what was going on with me my doctor asked, "Are you anxious about something?" I hadn't been asked that by anyone. And I did not know quite how to respond. My doctor's take that the acid reflux I had been experiencing was long gone, but now there's still something bothering me. He asked if I wanted to talk to someone at their office. I agreed. It was interesting that for my thesis I am writing about mental health and the different dynamics that accompany this notion as a Black woman. And here I was, the scared, semi-panicked young woman afraid to voice her thoughts when she almost never held back.

My ability to see all that January was as a lesson and a platform for positive change, took some prepping. I found it so hard to see the bright side that could be. But I did not want to be stuck anymore, fearing everything. Being secure is something I will always want, but being sound and capable is what I know that I need. For my own self-worth and expression.

I can already see something great brewing for myself, my family, friends. My challenge is to stop second guessing, go to bed at a decent hour, keep writing, apply to more jobs, and think of nothing but new. New frame of my identity, new lessons, new beginnings, new love, new power. I am not starting over. I am continuing, sustaining, progressing. I have a burning heart to liftoff and evolve.

From my heart to yours,

*E

Holiday jitters

Twenty-twelve, seems like just yesterday I was watching the Times Square ball drop on television as I welcomed in the new year. Quite often many of us come in with certain goals, expectations and resolutions of how the new year will be different, but of course life mostly has it's own agenda. But that doesn't mean we should stop fighting. Sure, some annoyances in our lives are still occurring, still festering or still hurtful but why give up?

As I tune in to the latest evils of our world on the news, it gets a little harder to remain hopeful. If a man can walk into a school and kill adults and children, what's next? Better yet I don't even want to consider what else someone mentally ill or hateful may be planning. But it does make you consider, what can I do to move beyond the negativity, accomplish goals like our lives depended on it. I realize every day there are certain happenings that I should not just lie down and accept, I can evolve past it. The more I speak dreams and aspirations into existence, the more I begin to believe it will happen. I think that is something many people should try to do more of, SPEAK IT, CLAIM IT, OWN IT like it's already yours!

With Christmas Day approaching a week from today and as my bank account sings a different holiday tune, the nervousness and jitters kicked in. I won't be able to "go all out" like I normally would have. My financial circumstances have changed and buying tons of presents to sit under the tree will be different this year. But I am trying to do my best to purchase at least one gift for my immediate family. If not, it is what it is. I can't allow myself to break the bank any longer. But when I think about it, presents should not be that essential especially with the strain many people are experiencing financially.

Even if you somewhat "have it" to buy, isn't just being around close family and friends enough? As I get older and my "All I Want for Christmas" list becomes shorter and as simple as socks and slippers, why press it? Of course I appreciate any gift, but I am not going to whine about it like I did once as a child at 7 when my mom didn't get me the "My size Barbie" I asked for, :-). But today as a young adult, I just want support, comfort and to be happy.

So as we say adios to 2012, let us try to take a breather, recount on what was to paint an improved what can be. Happy Holidays!

From my heart to yours,

*Lish

Holidays & Hearts

Tis the season to be...JOLLY, is it? That's right because everyday outside of the holiday spirit we should all try to be a little more happier. I came across a right on the money message from one of my favorite tweeters, Rev Run. He said:

 

 

 

I know I too struggle with balancing what I have control over and what I don't, that is life. But to take extra initiative to be better and rejoicing can be hard, though not as hard as we'd like to make it. It probably takes more energy to be angry or sad than it does to be happy. Think about it, happiness generally doesn't take much effort, it just, is. So in honor of the "holiday spirit" society says we ought to have, let's take a switch on that and allow ourselves an "everyday spirit" where we give more focus on "What's coming" as Rev Run tweeted.

 

I have three suggestions to get you going to a healthier place this season, despite certain woes (lack of/no money for gifts, relationship issues, job problems, too much schoolwork, not enough pay, good pay but blow money too fast, feeling insecure, frustrated about family) the list can go on, and on, and on, and on....try this:

 

Sweet Tooth

 

Regardless if it is Christmastime or not, eat some of your favorite chocolate. A piece or two is good for you. http://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/benefits-of-chocolate

 

Craft time

 

Start a small project that you can do after work or any day you have time. Whether it is finally tidying up your closet, decorating your home for the holiday or crafting a special gift for a loved one. Keep your hands busy and your mind off of the "sidebar stuff" I like to call it.

 

Dance, Dance

 

A little bit of movement never hurt anyone, low and behold you get a little workout in, a fun one at that. If you own a Wii game console or XBox, whichever system you may have, pop in a dance game and get your body moving! I plan to purchase the latest favorite "Hip Hop Dance Experience" for Wii. I hear it is a blast. You don't have to worry about any judgment or nailing all of the moves, just have fun!

 

From my heart to yours,

 

*Elishia  

Jumpstart your heart

A lot of times when we as a society think about our health we link food as part of being healthy. While the food we consume is important, so is what we release and interject outside of our bodies. For instance, you could be on the greatest diet, or have an awesome workout routine, but if you aren't taking care of the outer exterior it's almost as if something is missing. What about the clothes that you wear, the company you keep or the bad habits that keep on resurfacing? I find that there are things we can do for ourselves to project a healthier you. Here are a few starting points...

Dress it up

Correct me if I am wrong but dressing up or at least taking better care in your appearance can make you feel more cheerful. On the days when you'd rather wear sweats or a less than colorful outfit, try adding more colors into your wardrobe, get your hair looking halfway decent and you're good. For me, colors like red, yellow, emerald green etc. make me feel better. If black or grays or darker tones are more your style that's fine, but add accessories to heighten your look. Dress yourself up and take on a better attitude.

Recipe for change

This week I created my very own homemade pizza, it was my first time doing that. I had this idea to make a dish that isn't already prepared, such as fast food or a restaurant. With my flattened pizza dough, I added my favorite pizza topping; sausage, plus shredded cheese and tomato sauce and baked my pizza. As the dough raised so did my momentum. The cheese began to melt and I kept a close watch on the oven, not wanting the pizza to burn. In minutes it was ready, it tasted great and I was proud. I am looking forward to making banana bread next!

Giving thanks

Now some may be thinking, "I always give thanks...." or "I am grateful for what I have." But you have to ask yourself, are you only thankful when something good happens? A good friend of mine shared with me about saying aloud the things you are grateful for, no matter how small. You could give yourself a cutoff such as "10 things I am grateful for" and see where this takes you. I have been trying this and to my own surprise I have gone beyond 10. You don't have to be thankful for obvious things like, running water in your home or food on the table for yourself or family, while those are great, think on a smaller scale. This morning I said aloud, "I am grateful for being honest with myself." Try this positive mantra before you get your day going, or while in route to work or just going about your day. It can be a huge stress reliever and even remind you that being thankful doesn't mean just saying it but believing it.

From my heart to yours,

*LISH

Congrats to ME!

As I sit here looking at this health blog I created I realize that my last post was in June. You can't begin to know how badly I've wanted to write something (as a writer I have ideas constantly!) but I could not bring myself to log-in, I had too much on my mind. At the time of my last post I talked a lot about finding myself again and getting back to what makes me happy. And while I am still somewhat in that frame of mind I have made major progress, there I said it. It is so hard for me to even pat myself on the back sometimes, I think we all should do more of that. So many times we're congratulating someone else on a monumental occasion or happening for them, but what about ourselves? What have YOU done that's great! I am beginning to understand that even small steps and accomplishments that I have made are positive and good for me. In the last few weeks I have battled with accepting all of the greatness that is beginning and I am sure of more that is coming my way. Crazy as it sounds I wrote a note to myself saying that being completely and thoroughly in and out HAPPY scares me. It's not that I've been downright mentally in pain or anything but when things are going right or if I know I am headed in the right direction, it scares me.

How can you be scared of being happy you ask? Well, when various fears and wants are constantly on your brain and low and behold something positive sweeps down and brightens your life, you might think, "Wait huh, is this for me?" For instance, in the last couple of weeks I've published an awesome article about Black ballerinas of the past for Soul Train, finally narrowed down my thesis topic for school, changed my daily schedule into a big deal so that it keeps me busy and sane, plus started and completed TWO sewing projects I assigned to myself. It has been small things, but they're big to me. Just the other day a woman commented on my hair color at a cafe', she told me it looked great on me! Things like that make me smile, totally unexpected things makes me smile like, four little kids that I signaled to cross the street while I was driving today and they said in unison, "Thank you!" THAT made me smile. What I am learning is that my own happiness has been initiated by me. It's not anything someone handed to me or magically granted a wish for me I have begun the transformation because I needed to. So in honor of congratulating myself, here are some of the things I am proud of that have made me smile the last two weeks.

Chef-boy-r-ME

Lately I've been trying to try out more cooking recipes that I come across. I'm not much of a cook, (though I make some delicious pancakes) visiting the kitchen isn't a major strand in my DNA. However like making pancakes when I want something particular I usually attempt to make it. So, I found a recipe for cinnamon-sugar donuts and guess what I made them! I had my ingredients prepared, classic R&B playing in my earphones and viola I completed the quick snack.

I'm just a sewing machine!

I hadn't used my sewing machine since graduating college three years ago, I hadn't had much time prior to now to really focus on making anything. I had been a fabric maverick starting in high school and it carried over to college when I had free time to make a garment or two. This time around I wanted new curtains for my bedroom, I found a beautiful printed fabric with a reddish brown background with gold leaves designed all over the fabric. Within 2 days I sewed my curtain and it now hangs famously against my window. My next project, pajama pants, I'll be finished them by the end of the week!

Published

As I mentioned my article appeared on the website of Soul Train. I was thrilled to see my work, and though I've had a few pieces published at other magazines and newspapers, this piece was special to me. As a dancer I wondered a lot about Black female dancers who have built the foundation for many. There untold stories touched me and I wanted to share it, I am thankful to have had the opportunity to spread a part of dance history to the masses.

Time Quest

Last week I was given a great gift, my thesis advisor acknowledged the progress I am making and she wanted me to begin a more structured schedule for myself. I've never been one to stick to a planner let alone use one. How did I survive college without really using one! I usually depend on my own memory or storing reminders on my cellphone. But that doesn't always work if you forget what your plans were for the day or if the alarm goes off and you hit "dismiss." Now I write out my schedule the night before, I jot down the main tasks that are a priority. I have been writing 2 hours a day and trying to give myself more room to achieve my tasks. And while not every single item since this past Monday has been checked off I still feel impressed by my ability to structure my day better. I can say that by the end of a given dayso far maybe only one or two items went unfinished. Though I cannot worry about that, I just want to stick to a cohesive schedule, and of course have time for me.

What have you done lately that you're proud of? Congratulate yourself, it'll make you feel happy and of course....there's a healthy heart.

*Lish

E&E