Today I had my session with my behavioral therapist, we hadn't met in 6 weeks so there was lots to catch up on. Before graduating from graduate school in May we had a session and scheduled in to meet in another two weeks but upon the doctor cancelling that session and another two weeks of waiting to plan another meeting time went on, but we're back on and that's the great thing! So our 30 minutes of time together today went well. I basically filled the doctor in on all that has been happening with me since we last met, some of the highlights then some of the not so glamorous moments. But by the end of the session she had noted my progression and that I seem happier. Music to my at one point muted ears but I heard her clearly and I believe it too.
It can be strange sometimes, who knows why, that when things in your life begin to go well or what used to bother you doesn't really anymore you may begin to question the positive change. As if there is a hesitancy in accepting the change even when it is something wonderful. It's not that I question my emerging happiness but I am learning to understand it and realize that I have earned it and there should be no caution to the improved change. There has been a slight hurdle that had been bothering me for quite some time with my father and our distanced relationship. And though words have been exchanged and my feelings expressed I still almost feel a bit leery about it, I want my emotions to be taken seriously and not be in vain. But in all bumps on any road I am on I remain alert about it but I try to not let them haunt me.
As I type these words I am listening to one of my favorite singers, Celine Dion and her powerful voice serenading my ears with "My Heart Will Go On." Odd (or is it) that this is playing as I think about all of the heartache I went through in the last year, being let go from my job, questioning my own capabilities, figuring out the meaning of friendship and love among family and opening my heart to someone new who comes along. Yes, the heart can go on, it can heal, grow stronger, beat to a new and changed drum. So while my life isn't fully "pieced" together, I most certainly am not the same young woman I was last year, 5 months ago, 4 weeks ago or even yesterday. I am still me but continuing my own walk, only looking back to see my footprints and how far I have come.
From my heart to yours,
*Lish
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